Witnessing History

On the first day same-gender marriages were performed, I completely forgot about the whole shebang. After work, I passed by Oakland's City Hall and saw about eight or nine camera crews and a bunch of photographers. I wondered what was going on and I saw a few people with PFLAG buttons and bags of rice and flower petals. One of them told me that 18 same-gender couples would be married at City Hall that evening. Initially, I was just going to wait outside and throw flower petals at the couples leaving but then, on the the PFLAGers told me that you could watch the ceremony from the galleries. Being a big ol' wedding freak, I was SOOOOO there.

The atmosphere in the room was like a big party. An eclectic mix of love songs was coming out of the loudspeaker and friends, family, and well wishers thronged the city council room. We waited for two hours, or as I remember it, "I'm Coming Out" being played three times on the music loop. Every so often, a city official would come and say, "the couples are signing their forms. They'll be here soon and we can start."

Finally, Mayor Ron Dellums, his wife Cynthia, Congresswoman Barbara Lee, and some Chinese city councilperson came in. All of the folks got big cheers but particularly Congresswoman Lee (the lone person to vote against the use of force following the Sept. 11 attacks) who was treated like a rock star. I was immensely impressed with all of the officials. They were there to witness and officiate, no long speeches, no pontificating. In fact, the only thing Congresswoman Lee did was sign marriage certificates and hug people. Good on you! I was moved by Mayor Dellums opening words, "what led up to this point was hard. Today is easy because THE LAW IS ON OUR SIDE!" This was history and everyone recognized it and cheered as if history was being made and it was.

What made this special was all of the people there to support the couples. Family, friends, random people like me who wanted to see history made. I was sitting next to a straight couple who shared a nanny with the first couple to take their vows. Behind me was the extended family of a Chinese lesbian couple that includes siblings, parents, spouses of siblings, and nieces and nephews.

Surprisingly, everyone around me was very optimistic that the ballot initiative to overturn the Supreme Court decision would go our way. When I asked them why they thought so, they replied, "the world is moving on." It made me think of all of you and the love and support we've gotten from our awesome friends. Is the world turning more like the coolio people who've become our friends? The polls about the ballot initiative seem to be affirming the optimism of my seatmates. It appears 51% of Californians polled oppose changing our state Constitution.

When the 18 couples filed in and took their seats the roar of the crowd was electric. There was a buzz of anticipation when the first couple was called to the front. Their 20 month son insisted on opening the gate to the council chamber. They took their vows to love each other and be faithful. Mayor Dellum beamed when he said "By the authority given to me as the Mayor of Oakland, I now pronounce you married by the laws of the state of California." All of our hearts swelled at that moment and the biggest cheer was let out at the first same-gender couple legally married in Oakland. At that point, I called Jonathan and told him to come to City Hall after he was done with work. A half an hour later, he was there holding my hand and witnessing couple after couple come up and take their vows in front of two of the staunchest civil rights leaders of our time, and some Chinese City Councilmember. :) Everyone said their "I do's" differently. Some said a simple "yes," others said "ABSOLUTELY!" others said "yes, just like I did in 2004."

The couples who got married were the most diverse group I've ever seen. Interracial couples of all ethnicities. Older couples. Male, Female. Couples with kids. Couples with big families surrounding them. A native American couple gave Mayor Dellums a sage nosegay for his support. Yes we are in the Bay area. I was caught up in the euphoria of the moment but then a couple with an Asian man and a white man and their three Latino children came up. Jonathan whispered in my ear, "They'll never take those kids away from that couple." And I totally lost it. It didn't help that the kids started crying from happiness when Mayor Dellums pronounced them married. Seriously, I didn't cry this much at my own wedding.

The crowd gave its last cheer when the finally couple took their vows and then chaos. Mayor Dellums, like a father at a wedding, asked all the couples to gather on the steps of city hall for a picture. Families were hugging and laughing, and crying. In the marble foyer, there was cake and champagne for the happy couples. J and I left after the ceremony and headed home to our apartment four blocks away.