When you assume you make and ass out of you. So I just saw this bit about Yahoo's oh so classy display of tech chauvinism. Yes, it prompted me to post after months of silence. Because women hackers, I feel ya and it completely sucks to be in a space that ignores you exist. The thing is, there are plenty of female hackers, queer hackers, and even straight male hackers that just aren't into the whole lap dance thing. But in the eyes of yahoo, do they exist? Hells to the no.
As a dude who planned his wedding and the wedding of several friends as well as a male quilter, I feel ya! It's not just the obvious things like having lap dancers. It's all of the things that lap dancers say about who counts in that space and who does. I'm not a hacker, but here's my experience when J and I went to wedding expos and talked to vendors:
Having vendors LOOK PAST ME for my nonexistent female fiancee - "Where's your fiancee?"
Everything labeled as for the bride - Bridal Suite, Bridal Massage, Bridal pre-wedding brunch
Everything labeled for a woman - Something SHE will love. Making the day memorable for HER.
Pepto bismo pink for every product under the sun
Having a separate space for "the guys" to watch guy things like football, golf, etc.
The thing is, I spend money. For my wedding, I spent a considerable amount of money. Apart of the issue of social justice, you folks are losing money. For those folks who planned the yahoo hackers gathering. Get the blinders off. Men give a damn about their weddings. Women do computer programming. You're leaving money on the table by ignoring us and offending us.
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Monday, May 11, 2009
Dropping a bomb
It's been a while. I finally decided to break the radio silence for this question. For all of you straight couples out there - why is to so necessary to have single gendered wedding parties with the women all next to the bride and the men next to the groom? Seriously, I just don't get it. Most of the people J and I are close to are women. Therefore, most of our wedding party were women. But beyond that, I wonder about the siblings. Shouldn't your sister or brother be standing up with you? In several weddings I've been to, the groom's sister stands with the bride and the bride's brother stands with the groom. Why? is there like social pressure from parents to make it so?
Thursday, February 19, 2009
REALLY ending the radio silence
Sorry everyone, I'm not like Scotte who posts like five times a week. For some reason I just couldn't figure out what to write. Rebecca Mead's One Perfect Day still pissed me off. There are still awesome weddings happening. In fact you have to take a look at this one. Seriously. THEY DID IT THEMSELVES. And it looked a zillion times more elegant than most weddings that spent mad cash.
A more thorough analysis on those weighty subject will be forthcoming but I wanted to give my two cents on an even weightier subject - marriage rights. More specifically, expanding the rights of the unmarried. I think the fatal flaw in all of this same-sex marriage business is that privileging of a married relationship over all other things. We shoot ourselves in the foot when we think marriage is the end all and be all.
There's an article in the Washington Post about the popularity of France's civil unions law, or PACS, among STRAIGHT couples. Yes, straight couples are forgoing marriage for PACS. It appears heterosexual marriage has been doing a good job undermining itself without the help of us gays. Heterosexuals PREFER the legal union without the marriage baggage.
I'm saddened to see a bill in Utah (HB 160) was killed in committee because it does precisely what I think a true "marriage' law should do, expand the rights of couplehood beyond those with a romantic relationships. My relationship with J is no more special than a parent to a child, siblings, or even roommates. As France shows, there are a lot of heterosexual couples who don't want the baggage of marriage. I've heard of this specifically for senior citizens where they don't wanto t lose the social security benefits of a previous marriage to get married again so they end up shacking up.
As much as I love weddings and value my married relationship, I do think there's something wrong with saying the devotion J and I show to each other is worth more rights and privileges than any other twosome. If we have learned nothing as folks living the alternative lifestyle, it should be that family comes in all shapes and sizes. Given that one spouse can die before another, the constellation of people taking care of us at the end of our lives looks less like Ozzy and Harriet and more like the Golden Girls.
A more thorough analysis on those weighty subject will be forthcoming but I wanted to give my two cents on an even weightier subject - marriage rights. More specifically, expanding the rights of the unmarried. I think the fatal flaw in all of this same-sex marriage business is that privileging of a married relationship over all other things. We shoot ourselves in the foot when we think marriage is the end all and be all.
There's an article in the Washington Post about the popularity of France's civil unions law, or PACS, among STRAIGHT couples. Yes, straight couples are forgoing marriage for PACS. It appears heterosexual marriage has been doing a good job undermining itself without the help of us gays. Heterosexuals PREFER the legal union without the marriage baggage.
I'm saddened to see a bill in Utah (HB 160) was killed in committee because it does precisely what I think a true "marriage' law should do, expand the rights of couplehood beyond those with a romantic relationships. My relationship with J is no more special than a parent to a child, siblings, or even roommates. As France shows, there are a lot of heterosexual couples who don't want the baggage of marriage. I've heard of this specifically for senior citizens where they don't wanto t lose the social security benefits of a previous marriage to get married again so they end up shacking up.
As much as I love weddings and value my married relationship, I do think there's something wrong with saying the devotion J and I show to each other is worth more rights and privileges than any other twosome. If we have learned nothing as folks living the alternative lifestyle, it should be that family comes in all shapes and sizes. Given that one spouse can die before another, the constellation of people taking care of us at the end of our lives looks less like Ozzy and Harriet and more like the Golden Girls.
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