We get by with a little help from our friends

Unless you are rich enough to have a platinum wedding, your friends will be helping out with the wedding. Friends play a variety of roles from the obvious (the people actually standing up with you at the altar) to the behind-the-scenes (helping design the program). In Texas, they have this thing called a house party. A house party is the catchall designation for the folks helping with the wedding but not in the actual wedding party. While there’s no hip hop music involved, the house party is responsible for things like decorating the bridal suite.

For us non-Texans, we need to be conscious about the care and feeding of folks helping out at our wedding. The key here is to make sure that your friends get to be guests at your wedding. This is all about good planning and good communication. Not to be all Martha about it but good planning means everyone gets to enjoy the wedding.

Our wedding was fairly do-it-yourself. We had two dear friends serve as coordinators, along with a paid catering staff to set up wit the food, serve, and clean up. For the sake of your and your loved ones’ sanity, please hire people for those tasks. The only time I’ve seen it work out is because one of the groomsmen managed a restaurant. Clean up is especially exhausting since it’s at the end when everyone has been partying in dress shoes. For the sake of their feet, don’t leave that part up to your friends.

At our wedding our friends did a lot. That included:

(Before the wedding)
- Putting together invitations
- Coordinating the decorations which included a zillion miles of strings of lights and tulle
- Proofreading documents
- Picking up the beverages

(During the wedding)
- Setting up the tables and centerpieces
- Setting up the decorations
- Serving as ushers and passing out the programs

Even with all of that work, we made sure noone was working during the actual ceremony and the bulk of the work during the reception was done by the catering staff. We were lucky, lucky, lucky to have two people be able to provide input and editing on all of our decisions throughout the entire process.

When friends are involved make sure their tasks are defined and discrete. Rather than asking them to help with setting up, you should ask them for a specific task related to setting up. Be clear about what the need to do, give them everything necessary to do it, and make sure the task has a time frame. For any volunteer, the more information, the better. It’s good for anyone helping to know how the day would go.
When we had our friends usher, we obviously gave them programs to pass out but we also made sure they had out minute-by-minute timeline, a list of people with specific seating needs, and the low down on both of the families. I have an uncle who loves his cologne and J and his father both have a sensitivity to strong scents so he needed to be sat in the back. Once the ceremony began, their job was over and they could be part of the ceremony.

Finally, please recognize your friends for the work they are doing for you. Not everyone will be wearing a corsage or carrying a bouquet but most likely there are quite a few people doing little things to make the day go well. Put them in the programs, give them special gifts, and thank them publicly. Being a part of any wedding should be an honor and a chore.