Interview - The Mother in Law

I adore all of my in-laws but my Mother-in-Law is my comrade in arms when it comes to event planning. The woman is fricking brilliant and every meal, gathering, and social event is planned so that the host can have as much fun as the guests. She was invaluable in putting together our first wedding and I've learned a lot about how to plan a successful event from her.

Not to give your age away but you've just celebrated your 40th Anniversary. What was your wedding like and what was the most memorable part of your wedding?

We did not have a lot of money to spend on the wedding, but we had a beautiful one. My Mother had some funny ideas about what was important - such as engraved invitations (which were very costly). My Grandmother was a seamstress and was going to make my gown even though I also sewed for myself quite a bit. We went to a department store in downtown Fort Worth to look at dresses to get some ideas. She never used a pattern, but she could look at something and copy it. I tried on a few dresses, and finally I tried on the one I loved. She loved it so much also that she bought it for me! We then got a Mantilla lace veil to go with it. In 1968 when I married there were no wedding specialty stores. You had to buy everything at the department stores. Grandmother then decided to also look at their Bridesmaid dresses, and we found one I loved. We ordered it and everything was very easy!

The church I grew up in did not have marriages, but I had been to a friend's wedding and I loved the pastor. We were able to have him for our wedding and we found a church we liked , Arlington Heights Christian on Camp Bowie in Fort Worth that would not be very far from our home. Dad maintained a beautiful yard and was very proud to have the reception in the backyard. Hester on the Hill, a wonderful steak restaurant hosted the rehearsal dinner and also did the reception. Back then, there were not huge dinners or appetizers at many receptions, and most of them were held in church fellowship halls. We had a lovely menu of party sandwiches, veggies, fruit, and two beautiful cakes. I remember the base of my cake was several heart shaped cakes in a circle! Mother had a very close friend who was quite wealthy and quite a society lady. She wanted me to use the porcelain bride and groom dolls that her daughter had used on the top of the cake. The evening was beautiful - the reception amazing, (we had an organist come and an organ in the backyard to provide music. Dad had lights in the trees and fans. It was beautiful. After the last guest left, we helped them take the organ in and then one of the worst Texas thunderstorms appeared quite suddenly. I was so grateful that we had finished the reception!

In the intervening years you've seen J and his sister married. How have weddings changed since the time you got married?

I think I might have answered some of this in the previous question! Mainly the reception has changed tremendously. Now, at most weddings there is a lot of food. There is also usually a lot of dancing to the great music of a DJ. Of course video cameras have also made a difference with all the attendee interviews. I think the ceremony part has not changed much.

What do you think makes a good wedding? What are things that make a guest feel welcomed and comfortable at a wedding?

I think the organization of the day creates an atmosphere of calm and happiness. I have attended disorganized, chaotic weddings where you could hear the photographer yelling at people or where food was not sufficient. It all goes down to the planning. Guests can "feel" the atmosphere and know when everything is running smoothly. Our daughter had a wedding planner, but she had also planned every detail of the week-end. Everyone connected to the ceremony received a folder with all pertinent information including phone numbers, times, and of course, a detailed list of duties! We also had a great large notebook with all kinds of ideas collected in it. We had lots of tab dividers, and throughout the year, if we were looking at a wedding magazine and found a favor we like or a bouquet, it was clipped and put in the binder.

So explain the concept of a House Party. That's a very Texas tradition but it's really useful.

I think the House Party is a southern tradition. It honors close friends/relatives who might not be bridesmaids. We usually only had four or five at most weddings. Being in the House Party was also an honor. My House party all dressed in pastel or floral print dresses. Each of them had specific duties. Before the wedding, several of them gave me a Bridal Luncheon. Also, they all met with the Bridesmaids to fix the rice bags and favors. During the wedding, two of the House Party members would be in of the members was in charge of the Guest Book, two would be at the gift table, and several had the honor of cutting the cake.

If someone you knew was getting married, what advice would you have for them in planning their wedding? What are the dos and don'ts?

I have probably covered a lot of this also. DO start early with the big decisions - church, reception location, caterer, photographer, DJ. Keep a detailed notebook of ideas. See if close friends who have married recently also kept a notebook. I know we used one that had been passed down to several brides. It had the best florist and the best cake decorator in the area. Get as much done as you can EARLY - dresses, shoes, etc. Have some "wedding free" days. Many grooms do not care about some of the decisions - make this clear and never leave the other partner out of a decision unless the partner has made it clear that he has no opinion. Get someone to help coordinate the activities. Make sure the photographer knows what shots you want. I have seen disasters occur over the photography. ENJOY the planning because the day goes by very quickly - in a flash.