I'm Back!

Sorry about the long silence. It's been hard to write anything post election since our marriage may be invalidated by the state. By the way, Attorney General Jerry Brown is urging the CA Supreme Court to invalidate Prop 8. THAT, Barack Obama, is being a fierce advocate.

Along with the crappy thing that happened, Mr. MC and East Coast Rebecca got married! The bride and groom look smashing! I had to get them to do my first post-wedding interview.

When we last were talking about actual weddings and actual wedding planning, Mr. MC and East Coast Rebecca were on the cusp of their wedding. Now 52% of people in California say Boo to same-sex marriage, we can go back to frivolous talk about flowers and caterers because seriously after having over half a state tell me my marriage doesn't count, I REALLY want to talk about flowers and caterers. Let's check in with the happy couple post wedding:

From the pictures, you two looked gorgeous and happy. How did the weather hold up? Fall in Washington, DC can be spectacular or it can be a cold rainy mess.

ECR: It was the first really cool day of the season, which was a little colder than we'd hoped. We warned everyone that fall can be unpredictable, though, so all the ladies came prepared with wraps and whatnot.

MMC: Yeah, but we wanted a fall wedding and our day definitely felt autumnal. It was lovely.

Do the day go as planned? Was it comfortably elegant? Did the vendors do what they were supposed to?

ECR: Things went mostly as planned. There were two big sources of pre-wedding panic - my dress wasn't at the drycleaner when we went to pick it up (it arrived within 45 minutes, but that was definitely an "oh shit" moment), and my parents and I got caught in terrible traffic on the way to the venue and arrived an hour after I'd hoped to be there. Turns out it was Howard University's homecoming.

I think it was very comfortably elegant, classy but not stuffy. And the vendors were great.

MMC: I have to admit I was surprised when my expert event planning wife was unaware of the Howard homecoming and then chose a Mapquest route that went ... right past Howard. She was being driven by her dad, who doesn't know DC at all, so that made it interesting. Luckily I was able to look up a Google map and talk them around their traffic jam.

Tell me about the ceremony. Had Mr. MC seen the dress before or was that a surprise? Mr. MC, what were you thinking when you first saw East Coast Rebecca? How were you feeling Rebecca?

ECR: A friend from Philly got ordained so that he could be our celebrant, and he did an absolutely brilliant job. We had trouble finding two appropriately long readings for the ceremony, so we chose an assortment of shorter readings (as well as a couple of longer ones) and assigned them to friends right before the wedding. Each reader just stood up in place to do their bit. It worked really nicely, much to our delight.

As soon as I got to the venue, I felt great - a little wound up, sure, but I was happy and excited and ready to see everyone.

MMC: Basically I was the one human within a 200 mile radius of the bride who had not seen the dress in advance of the day, so yes it was a surprise. Although I don't know if surprise is the right word. It was a beautiful white wedding dress. Surprise! I guess if it had been a hot pink pantsuit, that would have been a surprise. All I know is that she looked beautiful. Like, whoa, beautiful.

What about the reception? What did you serve and how was the vibe?

ECR: We did the heavy hors d'oeuvres thing, and we provided seating for maybe 80% of the attendees. This meant that folks ate when they wanted, talked, danced, ate more, etc. as they saw fit. It made things a bit more casual, which I prefer to a big seated dinner.

The food included beef brisket, roasted chicken with cider jus, New Orleans style shrimp (in a spicy butter sauce), autumn vegetable tarts, and a hot potato-apple salad (with optional bacon). In lieu of a cake, we had a dessert buffet with tiny apple crisps served in shot glasses along with other treats. The caterer also passed mini ice cream cones. They were totally the hit of the party.

MMC: The vibe was indeed chill and yet festive. We didn't do some of the more traditional reception mainstays. No introductions, no toasts, no garter or bouquet toss, no cutting of the cake (no cake!) and we did our "first dance" without announcing it, so for a while it was just the two of us off dancing to Stevie Wonder alone. It was great. We did the music by iPod and it worked well. Only had to attend to it 2 or 3 times all night. Eventually the music got jumping and there was some serious dancing going on; everything from Al Green to Miley Cyrus. Yes, Miley was a hit...

What were the happy surprises? Those moments that everyone remembers but aren't in the script?

ECR: Neal told me he would send a child to fetch me when it was ceremony time, and I was shocked and delighted to see the adorable blonde head of Aidan, a kid I used to babysit, peering around the door at me. That was awesome. Also memorable was our celebrant's welcoming family, friends, and "Rebecca's gays." People are still laughing about that.

Oh, although it wasn't part of the wedding, my friends from home had a big banner printed with Rick Astley's face on it and "Rebecca and Neal - 2-gether 4-ever" and put it on our hotel room door.

MMC: Yeah, Aiden rocked.

Anything you'd do differently?

ECR: Pick up my dress earlier and ask the photographer to do more formal pictures of Neal and me.

MMC: Not wait so long to pop the question.

Finally, how was the Halloween party? Any memorable costumes? Or did people half ass it?

ECR: It was a good time, but I must admit it was tough to get properly enthused coming off of such a monumental event the previous week. No memorable costumes, I don't think.

MMC: I don't even remember what I wore. And yes, we should have skipped the party this year. But next year it can double as our anniversary party!

Interview - a Straight Guy's perspective

In the short history of this blog, I've interviewed brides, officiants, and gay grooms, but I have yet to give a straight groom a word in edgewise. to correct this oversight, I've enlisted Mr. MC, East Coast Rebecca's "fiance." As everyone knows from East Coast Rebecca's interview, she and Mr. MC throw awesome parties. A ECR and Mr. MC wedding will be a guarantee of a good time so who better to speak for the grooms of the world than the uber-cool Mr. MC.

Ok. Not to get all academic on you, but how has or hasn't the role of a groom changed in our generation? What your role in the wedding? Are there any parts of the wedding that are your territory?

The role of groom has always been dependent on the two most important individuals involved: the bride and the mother of the bride. Our society tends to become more enlightened as things go along (current administration not withstanding), so just as you see more stay-at-home-dads and more diaper-changing stations in men’s rooms, so too you see more and more grooms having a say in the Big Day. And by “more and more” I mean that the meager 2% involvement of our fathers’ generation has skyrocketed to probably 5% today.

Like a lot of grooms the hardest part of my job is already done. I got on my knee (metaphorically), pulled out ring (again, metaphorically) and popped the question. From then on my most major job is quality control. She runs ideas by me and I agree. Truthfully, I’ve said no to a few things, but mostly I’m there as a sounding board for her ideas. I’ve been married before so I see this big day as requiring more input from her than from me and she agrees.

I’m in charge of my suit, the music, making sure the ceremony’s legal (ooh, a reminder I have to do that) and, eventually, a honeymoon. I was part of the make-our-own invitations assembly line and if we can ever afford to go on a honeymoon, I’ll plan that bad boy myself.


Speaking of roles of the wedding, what role will your daughter, Mr. Gander play for the wedding? She's so on it, I can't see her dressed in a poufy Junior bridesmaid outfit.

This is a small wedding. No bridesmaids or groomsmen, no flower girl or ring bearer. Mr. Gander will look stylish but, you’re right, nothing poufy. She is in charge of getting everyone’s picture taken for the guest book. I mean, we have a photographer, that’s done. But we’re going to have a digital camera and printer available and she’s in charge of getting pictures taken and printed and then returning them to people so they can sign them. Then, wham! Instant guestbook with photos. She’ll probably have a team of cousins to help her on her mission.

Like J and I, you and ECR have been together for a long time before any wedding talk came up. Do you think your relationship will change at all?

Yes. Like all married couples we will never have sex again.


What are you looking forward to about the wedding? Also, is there any aspect of the wedding that is particularly stressful or will it be a well oiled machine?

We recently had an engagement party where a bunch of our friends got together (duh, like a party) but it was more intimate than our parties usually are and a lot of our friends met a lot of our friends for the first time and that was really, really fun. So, I’m looking forward to seeing people together for the first time; Our families especially. My folks have never met her folks, so that’s going to be fun. My dad is almost identical to her brother-in-law in some very particular ways and we’re convinced having them in the same place is going to rip a hole in the space-time continuum. And, you know, feeling all that LOVE in the air, the support from friends. Should be very exciting.

As for well-oiled machine: no such thing. Things will go wrong. That’s okay. We’ve got the most supportive audience one could possibly imagine. It’s like you’re starring in the school play and every single person in the audience is your mom. No matter how big an egg you lay, the crowd is convinced you’re perfect. I have no fears. Except traffic. And rain. And ptomaine poisoning. And spontaneous erections. And the McCain/Palin ticket. Not necessarily in that order.

Finally, what would you like the guests to remember about the wedding? How hot we looked.

P.S. I am sad not go be in DC for your half-assed Halloween. I was dying to go as a Toilet Paper Bride.
Yes, Half-Ass Halloween V: Dracula’s Wedding will continue our wedding reception one week later, but with fewer family members and more inappropriate attire. I’m sorry you can’t be there, but perhaps you could dress up as a toilet paper bride at home and you’ll FEEL like you’re there!